ART: O. LIE

We start of the New Year with a New Moon in Capricorn! A SuperMoon with some strong aspects at play calling us to activate and unearth that which has been lying dormant within.

There will be 5 SuperMoons this year. This one and another on January 3oth,  both New Moons, and the other three will be Full Moons. Here is the scoop on SuperMoons, EarthSky.org says:

“The term supermoon didn’t come from astronomy. We used to call them perigee… ‘near Earth.’ An astrologer, Richard Nolle, is credited with coining the term supermoon. He defines them as:

. . . a new or full moon which occurs with the moon at or near (within 90% of) its closest approach to Earth.

“By this definition, a new moon or full moon has to come within 361,863 kilometers (224,851 miles) of our planet, as measured from the centers of the moon and Earth, in order to be a supermoon.”

So here are the MYSTIC MAMMA Astral Insights for this first NEW MOON SuperMoon of 2014,  from the most tuned in readers of the stars…

First from Dipali Desai and her Celestial Space Astrology:

“The earth element is strongly featured for the first New Moon of the New Year. The New Moon is in Capricorn at 11 degrees which suggests having a fresh fertile soil within the subconscious so the new ‘symbolic seeds’ are planted for the year ahead.

“But first one has to prepare the soil through clearing it out and adding new nutrients to it. Remember, there is no rush with Capricorn, patience and timing is utmost important…”

“Capricorn is an earth element, cardinal mode of energy, so it is highly dynamic and has the potential to be excellent at management, organization and delegation…

“The New Moon in Capricorn’s themes are letting go and paving the way for rebirth and aligning with quality and integrity…”

“The climb to the top of the symbolic mountain may feel rough, yet imagine the new possibilities and view when you arrive at the peak. With persistence and gentle discipline, all things may be achieved. 

“The New Moon in Capricorn has an intense energy due to the fact that it is connected to (by conjunction) to transiting Pluto in Capricorn (Uranus in Aries), Mercury in Capricorn and Mars in Libra.  Transformation of stuck energy so things realign and move is part of this astrological configuration.

“The first round of energy with this aspect suggests ‘major detox and cleanse’ and then comes the rebirth and new beginnings.  The energy is dynamic yet very focused like a laser beam.

“As a Soul, you are success itself. The ego/mind or human self, it may get caught up in the extremes of the physical world of ‘success or failure.’  Know that there is a way beyond this dualistic perception and way of living. Living life from a perspective of Soul, helps you to know you bring the quality of success to whatever you choose to do.

“Consider that at times the most trying, testing, difficult situation may be a form of Spiritual initiation or rite of passage in some way to master something and raise consciousness. The overall astrological aspects suggest this is what is happening, each individual is testing themselves to rise to a higher level through a challenge in some form.

“…Some people right now leading up to the New Moon in Capricorn, are feeling the strong driving push for purging, cleansing and letting go. It is downright uncomfortable and possibly full of grief, intense emotions or even deep fears coming up. This is par for the course now. Go with it, be with it, accept it. Get some rest if you feel exhausted. It will shift soon enough.

“Pay attention to about 3 days before hand, especially New Years Eve it is wise to have awareness, be alert and make conservative choices and actions. People may express pent-up aggression, anger, possible erratic driving on the roads or while travel,  arguments or disagreements may occur.

“Energies want to clear out. Be responsible for what is your emotion and reaction and allow others to do the same. There is nothing to fear, but better be on the side of caution and wise decision-making than have regrets. It is your choice how you work with the symbolism and energy or if you buckle down into fear-based energy.”

“…With Venus Retrograde in Capricorn, some things may not be as defined or tangible as  you may like them to be — especially around relationships, love and even money. Be patient. As it’s a phase of reorganizing, how something is defined will come in due time.”

“The New Moon in Capricorn urges each to be realistic with your approach to whatever is happening. Align with that which is healthy, loving, empowering and of quality.

“Whatever you produce or manifest, let it be with integrity and deliver quality product. This is being the living embodiment of the highest potential of the New Moon in Capricorn.”

© Copyright 2013-2014 ~ Dipali Desai. All Rights Reserved 

From the always inspiring Kelley Rosano:

“The Capricorn New Moon on January 1 is a SuperMoon. This means it is extra potent. The New Moon is closest to the earth and in direct alignment with the Sun and the Earth.

“New Moons are new beginnings. You have a new start in Capricorn. The structures of your life are to be examined and changed as needed….The Capricorn New Moon message is time to upgrade and improve your life.

“Capricorn is the goat climbing to the mountain top…You are to climb higher and merge with your God Consciousness.  Pulling your Higher Consciousness into your choices will empower you to live an authentic life. You will live from love not fear. You are a great spiritual being. You are having a human experience. You are a powerful creator. What do you want to create in the New Year?

“The Sun and Moon are coupled with Pluto and Mercury. Pluto is considered the most powerful planet in astrology. He is not a maybe planet. ‘Change or I will change you’ says, Pluto.

“There are two roads to take with Pluto. One is divine will. The other is ego will. Pluto, used to serve your highest good, is the wisest path to take. Pluto will empower your soul and help you make healthy choices.

“When you do what is right for you, you are in alignment with your soul. You don’t feel the need to control or change people. This is because you know who you are and what works for you. You live from the motto, ‘live and let’ live.’ The dark side of Pluto is when people are fear based and must control family, friends and their world. Manipulation, hidden agendas and jealousy are the misuse of Pluto….”

“The ongoing Uranus and Pluto life changing square continues through 2014. You can experience evolutionary breakthroughs. You can move from breakdown to breakthrough. Pluto and Uranus are transforming your life. Pluto is about power. How you use your power. How you own it, or how you give your power away. You can give your power away not only to others but to self-sabotaging behaviors…” 

“The Capricorn New Moon on January 1 is a Grand Square. This powerful energy is building toward a peak in April. Mars, Jupiter, Uranus and Pluto are the four pillars of the Grand Square.  They are fighting with each other for their say and place. This astrology may reflect long standing issues, challenges and problems that are difficult to resolve. This requires you to garner your strength, patience and perseverance…”

“The cosmic message for the Capricorn New Moon is live from your authentic power. Be who you truly are.  Be open to change. Upgrade your life where needed.

“Yes, this astrology is serious and intense. A wise strategy is to be flexible. Flow with the environment. What is breaking down in your life is ready for a breakthrough. Attitude is everything. You can be proactive and evolve. You are creating your reality though your thoughts, words and behavior. You can choose to be the victor or the victim. In other words, you can own your power. Or you can give it away….”

“The ego resists change. This is the ego’s way of distracting you from getting on with the business of living. What is not built on truth is collapsing. Being powerless because you see someone, others, or society having power over you. This is illusion! The ego is playing a game of denial.

“Be honest with yourself.  Have you ignored the warnings and now conditions have worsened? You are a powerful creator. You can use your power to improve your life.  Have better relationships. Work with passion and feel good. Remember that, you have an important role to play or you wouldn’t be alive. You matter. You count. There is no one who can replace you. You are a valuable treasure.

“…Real growth requires tenacity and determination. Creator is using Pluto and Uranus to cut you free from the chains that bind you. Freedom can only come when you liberate your mind. Be the change you want to see in the world.  Merge with you Higher Self.  Observe the magical blessings in your life.”

© Copyright 2013-2014 ~ Kelley Rosano All Rights Reserved  

From the wonderful Simone Butler from Mooncircles.com:

“The Capricorn New Moon (Jan. 1, 3:14 a.m. PST) catalyzes a grand cross between Mars in Libra, Jupiter in Cancer, Uranus in Aries and Pluto in Capricorn.

“The planets involved represent strong yang forces, intensified by their presence in action-oriented cardinal signs. Do-or-die Pluto conjuncts the Sun, Moon and Mercury and exactly squares headstrong Mars. This forceful call for evolutionary change can prompt a fresh start, but it can also trigger antagonism and impatience if we’re not careful to channel it wisely.

“Because this powerful energy colors the entire year ahead, we can expect 2014 to be a magnificent, make-it-or-break-it year. 

“The good news is, if you’re inclined to cut ties with the past, launch new projects or begin running marathons, this alignment will give you the push you need. The bad news is, if you persist in clinging to old patterns or being less than your authentic self, you’re apt to suffer.

“Complicating the planetary picture, Venus is currently retrograde in Capricorn (Dec. 21 – Jan. 31). Pleasure-loving Venus can feel weighed down in that serious earth sign, but she’s also able to devise effective plans for change, and cement healthy habits in existing relationships (not a great time to start new ones, though).

“Don’t rely overmuch on others’ financial or emotional support during this retrograde, as it’s meant to guide you into your own depths to reclaim your talents, power and self-esteem (although it is a good time to recoup losses or receive money owed to you).

“Through the end of January, you may have to dig deep to find the softer side of love, to unconditionally accept yourself and others—but your efforts will be richly rewarded.”

© Copyright 2013-2014 ~ Simone Butler  All Rights Reserved

Wonderful insight from  Dana Gerhardt from Mooncircles.com:

“According to the Austrian philosopher-clairvoyant Rudolf Steiner, balance is the psycho-physical sense we must develop in Capricorn. When we steady ourselves, we steady the world. If we slip and free fall, the world goes spinning.

“The alliance you forge with Capricorn now can strengthen your footing for the entire year. Capricorn is a climber, inspired by high goals. But nothing is gained without first achieving balance on the terrain immediately beneath your feet.

“Tune into the earth. Let your balance be a conversation between you and the benevolent forces whispering, ‘Step here next!’’

© Copyright 2013-2014 ~ Dana Gerhardt All Rights Reserved

Check back closer to the this NEW MOON for a few more golden insights…

NEW MOON & NEW YEAR Blessings~~~

~mm

NEW MOON IN CAPRICORN ON NEW YEAR'S...

IT JUST DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER FOR A GAL LIKE ME

MAKE A WISH, BELIEVE IN MAGIC, FOLLOW YOUR DESTINY, LOVE YOUR JOURNEY, EMBRACE YOUR POWER, ENJOY YOUR REWARD...

BLESSED BE:::

DEANNALYNN ARZOLA

A Protection Blessing for my Beloved

Blessed be my darling man

Protection is my prayer

A blessing I in-cant for you

Magic everywhere

I pray you have protection 

From all that brings you harm

Surrounded by this mist

Enchanted by this charm

I share with you this blessing 

As you've protected me

The same I wish you in return

Dear Goddess, mote it be

For AEA

From DeAnna,

With love and magic...

Always 

Remember

Your dreams are as hungry

As your demons

Make sure

You're feeding the right ones

Kushandwizdom

This is all just too much for me. I am not happy and I don't have any more room in my soul for unhappiness. Things are not the way they are supposed to be. If I could, for even a moment, reconcile that this was not the case, I would be okay. I'm strong. I've weathered storms most people only read about, but knowing the way things are supposed to be and having to deal with the painful fact that they are not is making my heart ache so badly, that I am having a physical reaction to it. Of course, it has always been this way. When I knew you were supposed to be here and didn't want you to, my head pounded. When you said we should do this, I felt so high, I couldn't breathe. When you were near me, I couldn't concentrate. When you cut my feelings with you sharp words, I bled. When I can't see you, I miss you like a junkie misses smack. When I do see you, butterflies dance in my stomach. When you kiss me, I am in another place, not of this earth. When you don't, I am lost. When I see you with her, I am devastated. None of this makes sense to me, because I get that you have this life, this other life that you refuse to admit to, to almost all of us, and I don't want you to walk away from your child. This is something I feel to my very core, but that you go home every night to this person who does not know you, understand you, does not share your desire for touch and passion, this person who thinks she can change you when she is part of the reason you are who you are, while at the same time knowing in my soul that I do know you, crave your touch, share your passion, and love the person that all the damage you have experienced has made you is twisting me up so badly on the inside that I have no choice but to walk away from you completely. Just another thing about you that causes a physical reaction that I cannot stand to feel any more. I know you love me. I know you do. It can only be this that will not let me walk away from you, no matter how much I try. I know you don't want to hurt me. I know that you don't want things to be so contentious. And I know you have no greater knowledge of how to handle these feelings than I. I also believe that you are afraid to actually love the woman you're with because you fear being hurt again. You have to know on some level that I love you way too much for that. I only see a future where my love heals you. Not changes you, certainly not hurts you, just heals you. I think you truly believe this person you live with is all you are worthy of. I know you don't love her. I have loved before and I would never have allowed the person I love to see the evidence of my other desires. It took me a really long time to understand why you kept my little note with the words of Emily Dickinson pinned to your desk, perpetually in your line of vision, where she could see this on a daily basis. Anyway, I digress...my point is not about her, I knew the day I met her that she was nothing spectacular, it is about me and my whole in-ability to love you or hate you. It's a lose, lose situation for me and I just cannot do this anymore. I wish I didn't love you, darling, I really, really do. Usually, I can make a wish like that come true relatively easily, however, for some magical reason that could apparently be chalked only up to fate, I cannot. Please don't make me walk away from you completely. It's like fucking with destiny and that cannot be a good thing. You have to talk to me. You have to tell me what is going on in that dark and surreptitious mind of yours. You have to know I'm worth it. You have to know that you are, too... 

"Wrecking Ball"

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain

We jumped, never asking why

We kissed, I fell under your spell

A love no one could deny

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can’t live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you’re not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now, we’re ashes on the ground

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can’t live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crouching in a blaze and fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

And instead of using force

I guess I should’ve let you win

I never meant to start a war

I just wanted you to let me in

I guess I should’ve let you win

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball

Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung

Left me crouching in a blaze and fall

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

-Miley Cyrus

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My2FRPA3Gf8

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were -- I have not seen

As others saw -- I could not bring

My passions from a common spring --

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow -- I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone --

And all I loved -- I loved alone --

Then -- in my childhood -- in the dawn

Of a most stormy life -- was drawn

From every depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still --

From the torrent, or the fountain --

From the red cliff of the mountain --

From the sun that 'round me roll'd

In its autumn tint of gold --

From the lightning in the sky

As it pass'd me flying by --

From the thunder, and the storm --

And the cloud that took the form

(When the rest of Heaven was blue)

Of a demon in my view --

-by Edgar Allen Poe

"A Mother and Her Daughter"

As I walked down my path

The wind whispered your name thru the leaves

"Jeanine"

Flowers beside me carried the scent of you

A wish I had for so long

A mother and her daughter

Nightmares

Replaced by dreams of what you would become

As visions of your spirit

Danced inside my soul

There is no greater love

A mother and her daughter

Your beauty:

Art no painter can illustrate

No songstress can serenade

A story no writer can pen

A secret no one can disclose

A mother and her daughter

My body will decay

And return to the earth

Dust to dust

But my soul you will carry with you

Infinitely

A bond unbreakable

By time

A mother and her daughter

For my Daughter, Jeanine

-by Deannalynn Arzola

"Sigh No More"

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more.

    Men were deceivers ever,

One foot in sea, and one on shore,

    To one thing constant never.

Then sigh not so, but let them go,

    And be you blithe and bonny,

Converting all your sounds of woe

    Into hey nonny, nonny.

Sing no more ditties, sing no mo'

    Of dumps so dull and heavy.

The fraud of men was ever so

    Since summer first was leafy.

Then sigh not so, but let them go,

    And be you blithe and bonny,

Converting all your sounds of woe

    Into hey, nonny, nonny.

-by William Shakespeare

from "Much Ado About Nothing"

"The Lie"

Go, soul, the body's guest,

Upon a thankless arrant;

Fear not to touch the best;

The truth shall be thy warrant:

Go, since I needs must die,  

And give the world the lie.

Say to the court it glows

And shines like rotten wood,

Say to the church it shows

What's good, and doth no good:

If church and court reply,

Then give them both the lie.

Tell potentates, they live

Acting, by others' action;

Not lov'd unless they give;

Not strong, but by affection.

If potentates reply,

Give potentates the lie.

Tell men of high condition,

That manage the estate,

Their purpose is ambition;

Their practice only hate.

And if they once reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell them that brave it most,

They beg for more by spending,

Who in their greatest cost

Like nothing but commending.

And if they make reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell zeal it wants devotion;

Tell love it is but lust;

Tell time it meets but motion;

Tell flesh it is but dust:

And wish them not reply,

For thou must give the lie.

Tell age it daily wasteth;

Tell honour how it alters;

Tell beauty how she blasteth;

Tell favour how it falters:

And as they shall reply,

Give every one the lie.

Tell wit how much it wrangles

In tickle points of niceness;

Tell wisdom she entangles

Herself in over-wiseness:

And when they do reply,

Straight give them both the lie.

Tell physic of her boldness;

Tell skill it is prevention;

Tell charity of coldness;

Tell law it is contention:

And as they do reply,

So give them still the lie.

Tell fortune of her blindness;

Tell nature of decay;

Tell friendship of unkindness;

Tell justice of delay:

And if they will reply,

Then give them all the lie.

Tell arts they have no soundness,

But vary by esteeming;

Tell schools they want profoundness,

And stand too much on seeming.

If arts and schools reply,

Give arts and schools the lie.

Tell faith it's fled the city;

Tell how the country erreth;

Tell manhood, shakes off pity;

Tell virtue, least preferreth.

And if they do reply,

Spare not to give the lie.

So when thou hast, as I

Commanded thee, done blabbing;

Because to give the lie

Deserves no less than stabbing:

Stab at thee, he that will,

No stab thy soul can kill!

-Sir Walter Raleigh 

Life in a Love

by Robert Browning

Escape me?

Never, beloved!

While I am I, and you are you,

So long as the world contains us both,

Me the loving and you the loth.

While the one eludes, must the other pursue

My life is a fault, at last, I fear:

It seems too much like a fate, indeed!

Though I do my best, I shall scarce succeed.

But what if I fail in my purpose, here?

It is but to keep the nerves at strain,

To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall,

And baffled, get up and begin, again.

So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.

While look, but once, from your farthest bound,

At me, so deep, in the dusk and dark,

No sooner the old hope goes to ground

Than a new one, straight to the self-same mark,

I shape me...

Ever-

Removed

Time is irrelevant, in terms of infinity. Yes, irrelevant. Space is simply physics. Destiny is unchangeable, no matter what they say about being in control of it. It is in control of you. Fate is what we receive in this life for what we did in the last one. Fighting all these things only serves to exhaust you. When you're too tired to fight it any longer, as I am, in regards to fighting my own destiny, come fall into my arms. I will comfort you and hold all your demons at bay.
THIS is what love is...

"Winter Walk"

Frozen blades of grass

crunch under my stride

as I walk the path set forth for me.

The air so frigid,

it sets alight

my lungs. 

This passage

brings to memory

discontented winters.

My mirage

awaits me 

in the distance,

tempting my continuance.

 

Spring teases

with hope

and intention.

Certitude in this destiny

suddenly stripped from thought

and soul.

In it's place, 

the present vision...

the altitudinous, barren trees

of our existence.

-Deannalynn Arzola

"The One"

In terms of love and life, what defines the one?
Back in 1992, I met my future husband. He was a beautiful man. He was smart and kind and sweet. He was recently graduated from culinary school and looked so hot in his white chef's coat and black pants. As my degree is in restaurant management, this man quite immediately appeared to be "The One". We fell in love very hard and very fast. Everything about David made me dizzy. We were amazing together, in every regard. He was my best friend, a truly magnificent boyfriend, you know, the kinda guy who takes you on a date in a whole other city, or state, and I knew from the beginning that he would be an excellent father and roll model to my 5 year old daughter. We got married in a little chapel in Vegas, just as he had always wanted to do, and we shared an amazing life. He is the person who bought me my first house and my first new car. He protected me from the monsters and relieved my pain on an exponential level. I remember the day vividly, when it struck me, how much this man was the one. I had to excuse myself from the kitchen to catch my breath. I leaned up against the wall (a pleasure I enjoy to no end these days...) and slid down, as my knees gave out from underneath me. It was at that moment I realized, this man was MY husband.
Needless to say, as I sit here and expound the definition of "The One", my marriage has not survived the time. I guess you could say we fell out of love with each other.
So, here in lies my ponderance...
Was David "The One"?
I believe that at that time, he most certainly was. I've always been one of those people who lives their life in pieces. For instance, I twirled a baton in high school. I was in the band and I played the flute. I haven't picked up either in thirty years. I have been a mom, a wife, a business owner, and, yes, a daughter. The only thing I have carried over with me into my present life is my daughter. She is, however, almost twenty-seven years old and is a wife and mother, herself. As I reflect on my life, thus far, I see it in pieces.
In this piece of my life, I am a single gal, who commits most of her time to her career. I don't even perform the same job duties in this life as I did in the past. In fact, I even live in a part of the country I had never before visited. It's basically a whole new life. As a writer, I should probably refer to said pieces as chapters, so this chapter of my life is vastly different from all the chapters prior.
When I first moved to the Pacific Northwest, I had plenty of time to shed the past and envision the future. I took a Greyhound bus, so as to see this most amazing part of  the country thru the window, frame by frame. Once I passed Mt. Shasta, it was time to consider the future. With no ambivalence, whatsoever, I declared my freedom from all relationships other than that of my dog and myself. After thirty-one years of boyfriends, lovers, fiances and husbands, it was time for me to have a relationship with me. I had no illusions, desires or aspirations of sharing myself with anyone. And I was looking forward to this untapped resource.
Then, one day, as I was minding my own business and living my life, I was stricken hard with that sort of feeling you get when you have deja-vus. Here is this man standing in front of me and I literally felt the current of electricity run through me. It was weird. I have met a few people in my life who I knew from moment one would be in my life forever. These people generally do not make up the pieces of my life. They are still here, however, they are living their own pieces, writing their own stories. But it was love at first site with each of them. And they are the friends that I will always carry with me. This moment in time was a little different. It was kind of a magical thing. I have always believed in reincarnation. In fact, I am sure that the truest loves of my life have been there all my lives. So, I recognized him, immediately. I swear to you, I believed at that moment, he recognized me, too. He has that intuitive quality about him. I wanted to put the breaks on this right away. I had no intention of falling in love with anything other than my beautiful Pacific Northwest. So, being the control freak that I am, I did everything in my power to avoid the situation, entirely. For most people, this is probably a pretty effective method. For me, not so much. I started receiving all these signs from the cosmos. Not from him. Apparently, he was clueless. But from the path of my destiny. His name or home state would pop up in the commission of my work, we would wear the same color on the same day, recognizing him to be like many of my loved ones, I automatically presumed his birthday and astrological sign, which is Scorpio, so low and behold, everywhere I go, I see scorpions. I see them on the ground, I see them on my Facebook page, I see them on tires on trucks. The number eleven, the birth month is everywhere, as well. In fact, if you combine the addresses of the two places I have lived since I met him, they include his birth day, birth month, my birth day, and birth year. These are my houses, for God's sake. These magical little boats that sail directly towards the islands of him are just the tip of the iceberg. The information was giving me migraines on a daily basis and when I could no longer contain the information within me, I had to share it with him. This was an extremely difficult thing for me to do. I fought it every step of the way. When I felt I could keep it to myself no longer, the attempt on my part in the art of communication was so inherently difficult, I almost just got on a plane and flew back to Vegas.
Anyway, I did it. The timing was off. The setting was uncomfortable. The energy was extreme. I was inept. He was young. It was a nightmare.
In the subsequent days and months, I began to believe that I should never have said anything at all. This is a man with allot of pots on the stove. Allot!!! It has been quite a journey. There have been people in both of our corners who have advised against this blessed union. There are a plethora of reasons already in existence that should prevent the furtherance of said union. There have been moments when I questioned my faith, my intuition, my sanity. There was a day when I loudly exclaimed to him that I was moving home. There were days I have cried so hard, I had to excuse myself from society and just cry. There were days I just wanted to die. But I didn't. I moved through each day and every emotion with all the strength I could gather. There are several reasons for my perseverance. For one, those lovely, little aforementioned magical signs have never once ceased to remind me that this man is probably my soul mate. All the while, as we were both living our own lives and doing our own things, he was there, in the background, advancing my life in the most exponential ways. Ways that have brought me the greatest joys I have ever experienced, like Sunday brunches in my shared home with the people I love most, and nights of wicked bourbon and existential conversations by the fire, and birthdays with the people who know my deepest fears. If not for this man, I would not have these memories to comfort me in my twilight. And I mean that. He is directly responsible for my knowing my people and my ability to afford this life I live. Allot of my perseverance lies in my faith that this man is capable of the most intense love there is. I know this of him; he is deep and dark and passionate and self deprecating and scared and lonely and unsure and somehow feels he is unworthy of receiving the same kind of love in return. He makes me want to take him into my arms and comfort him, and enlighten him to this knowledge I have of who he really is. He is kind and I know and trust that he will support me on my causes for as long as I am alive. He is beautiful and smart and uses both sides of his brain. He is creative and business savvy at the same time. He is duplicitous in this respect, and in many respects. He is confident but self loathing, intuitive but clueless (or so he says), loyal and wild. He is amazing and infuriating and funny and sad and eloquent and inarticulate.
When I can feel him thinking about me, my soul feels as if it is on fire. I know that he knows who I am, and I am certain that he appreciates all the things that I am made up of, like my loyalty, my patience, my understanding, and my number one rule in the game of life; "Change your mind, not your people". There is definitely a magical connection there, and that is something that is very important to who I am as a fellow inhabitant of this earth. I believe in magic. I pay attention to the signs, and I love the people who do so, as well, the most.
So, is he "The One"?
I am almost as terrified to disclose my thoughts on this subject as I was to tell him about said signs. In this chapter of my story, he is the one. After everything we have been through, I still love him for exactly who he is, and I always will. And he knows this. And I'm glad he knows, because he deserves this knowledge and no one else on earth deserves to know this about his person more than he does.
He is my "One". Not for the typical crazy infatuation reasons that scare the hell out of most people, but because I understand him, respect him, trust him, appreciate him, and I know that once he is surrounded by someone like that, the feeling of unworthiness I see in him will surely fall away, and that's what it's really all about, anyway. Once you have that person in your life, you want to expound their virtues to everyone in the world. Most of them probably wont understand, but that's okay.
Trust your intuition. Recognize your destiny. Be the best person you can be. And I mean really make an effort to do so. Your "One" will more than likely be the reason that you are. Mine is.
So when you find your person, the one whom you love and respect, unconditionally, perhaps they are not the one, but you are.
And if you are, share this information with them. They sould know...
You never know, or perhaps you do, in return, they WILL be "The One".

-Deannalynn Arzola

"I'd rather love you obliviously, than hate you empirically."

-DeAnna Lynn Arzola

"I Do Not Love You"

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way than this: 

where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

A brief Campaign of sting and sweet
Is plenty! Is enough!

-Emily Dickinson

"I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You"

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.
I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who dies 

The only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, 

Love, in fire and blood.

Pablo Neruda

Tell me I am different...
I have never encountered anyone like you in my life. I have heard about you. There are people out there who use the gifts they've been given to hurt people, or keep them at bay, or make up to themselves all their perceived wrongs in their life, or perhaps, they do not believe they are worthy of the goodness they are offered. Whatever the case may be, I've only heard about people like you. Generally, they are the people in the news, the monsters who have used their undeniable charm to convince others to do their bidding, the control freaks who finally get caught keeping women locked in the basement, because for one brief moment, they lost a little control, and began to trust their victim, thinking, as you do, said victim would never betray the trust you have given, because they feel they are so indispensable, the victim wouldn't turn them in, they needed their captor too much. There are the Ted Bundys of the world, who use their charm to lure their victims in, only to get off on the power they have, literally in their hands as they are choking the life out of their victim, getting back , in their own despicable way, at the women who have wronged them in the past. Then there are the people out there who hate themselves so much, they feed on the love they are shown by their victims. Without this so-called love, they would die. I suppose there are people in the world who only understand the love they have for themselves. It is themselves that they are in love with, simply incapable of loving anyone else.
Tell me you are different...
This is not the way I see you, but it is all everyone who knows us both sees. I know why you don't love me the way I love you. I am so good, so special, so amazing, so capable of loving my people unconditionally, that the gods would never allow you to love me back. THAT is what would be the death of me. Your love, in return, is what would surely kill me. Is that you, or is that magic. I know your love is a curse. Do you know this, or is it my angels looking out for me because they know that I cannot take one more tragedy. It must be them, because you are unfamiliar with my losses. You've never even attempted to understand what it is that has made the person who is capable of loving you so completely. It is all the loss, and all the wisdom gained from that loss that allows me to see past your indiscretions, and believe in you and trust you, and love you. I have always thought that you would not allow yourself to love me, because you had to keep a certain distance between us. That, for you, and even me, perhaps, it would just be too much. I have thought that you have these superficial relationships with others because those are the relationships that are the easiest for you to control, to handle. And you will not allow yourself to take me in because I'm different. Of course, if that were the case, that would only make me love you more.
I shall try to put this into perspective for you, knowing in my heart that you already know, and with great ambivalence in my doubt that you don't...
In the beginning, I recognized that you were one of them. Those people I let in because I know that they are the ones who will provide me the perpetual love I require to keep my demons at bay. I knew you were one of them, my November people. I have known them all my life and I know they are the only ones worthy of my love because they are the ones who love like I love. I was right about the birthday. I was not right, however, about you. I only saw what I wanted to see. Even though I saw all the signs and all of my people and even your people made it very clear to me who you were. To me. To them. Yes, oh yes, she told me from day one, you were her man. She was able to see my love for you way before you were. I just simply comforted myself with the knowledge I have gained from knowing all the others like you I know. I remember clearly understanding that this was an endeavor that would require a huge amount of time and energy. I knew I would be tested and observed. But I also imagined the reward at the end of that road. You see, I know what it takes to win the heart of my November people. And I realize, empirically, that I will be appreciated for that patience, that depth, that incredibly intense love I give, because they are the only other people on earth who are capable of feeling that kind of love. I simply believed you would be worth all the trouble I would subsequently cause for all other parties involved, and this is my cross. I am selfish, and at that time, I did not care. I just wanted my beautiful reward. 
And oh, my God, when I shared this information with you, your reciprocity was electrifying. It was the next couple days that everything changed. I can only imagine that how you understood me to feel was too much for you to handle, which perplexes me to no end, as this is not what I am used to with my November people. When they realize how much I get them and love them, it's on...
You pulled a way.
Why?
I need to know why.
I need to understand why, after all this time and all I have proven to you, you still find it necessary to screw around with some flaky bitch who could potentially destroy your family, which, in fact, she did. Knowing me the way you do, knowing I would never do such a thing, never try to take you away from the mother of your daughter, knowing that I could have this separate affair of the heart with you, knowing that I am one of the smartest, strongest people you have ever known. Why on God's earth would you have this lengthy affair with this woman, keeping both of them in the dark, when you know that I love what piece of you that I have, and want your family to have their piece? Jesus, I can only imagine that you are hell bent on destroying your family on your own.
It makes me think you feel unworthy of the blessings bestowed upon you. Again, hard for me to understand this. You may be somewhat easily duplicitous, however, you project this image of confidence, so I cannot fathom you, of all of the people I know feeling unworthy. My friends like to explain you to me in this vein; you are more in love with you than you are with anybody else. I do remember looking in your eyes the first time you kissed me and being shaken to my very core at what I saw in those windows. You are young. What I saw was this little boy. The people who know you best see this, too. I am so tired of trying to explain to my people that they don't know you like I do, when in fact, their objectivity, which I lack, considerably, allows them to know you way better than I do. I have stood on file for you every single step of the way. The people who love me and know me best do understand that I love you, unconditionally. They just don't feel you are deserving of such love. I want to believe that that is why you keep me at arms length, but maybe I am the fool, here. Maybe you just don't give a fuck how I feel, or who I am, or what I'm capable of. Perhaps it simply makes no difference to you that I have mastered the art of resiliency. 
I so badly want us to be able to live in the same world. I cannot understand why everyone thinks that makes no difference to you. Trust me, my beloved, I do not want to agree with them.
They reconcile my experience to a lesson. A lesson in love, so that I will know what love really is and just what I am capable of. They may be right. And that would be okay. Perhaps you are just my teacher, as you have been from the start. But there are these moments with you in which I am high in the knowledge of your advocacy. So how am I to believe that there is no love behind that. Why else would you do the things you do for me? Is this to keep me hanging on, so as to perpetuate your ego. You know what's funny about that concept? I would gladly perpetuate your ego, I would do whatever it takes to make you whole. What is said to me on that concept is that you are incapable of accepting or understanding that kind of love. They say they have seen you, time and time, again, throw down your charm, with reckless abandon, to get what you need. What I don't understand about their concept is that you don't have to do that. You already know that I love you and would always do whatever is necessary to make you know you are loved.
So what is the answer to my question?
What makes someone like Linzee so different from me?
How can you have this affair with her and not me?
I don't know whether or not I want you feel that it is because of what you know I am capable of or of that is because you are just incapable of wrapping your head around  this kind of love. I find it so hard to allow myself to believe that you are the latter. Of course, I have always tried to be blind to your actions. Not because I am too weak to accept who you are. For God's sake, THAT is my strength. But because I want the person I love so completely to understand that kind of love. I love you and I want you to experience that kind of love. It has never been about me. It has always been about you and what I perceived to be your needs.
And here we are, all these months later. Your life has been destroyed. You are not with your daughter. You are not with the people who love you.
Why? Why, baby? What compels you to such destruction. When I watch you take the risks you do with everything that should be so priceless to you, I can't understand it.
I know I'll never change you. I wouldn't want to. I fell in love with you and your changing would be counterproductive to my Capricorn goals, but why?
Please just make me understand. 
You once told me you wish I would have given you my college fund. That you could have provided me with this education. Well, fucking educate me...I'm tired of trying to figure things out, either on my own, or with my people constantly blowing my fucking mind with another one of your self imposed nightmares.
Whatever the case may be, I will always love you. I have always know you need my love, whether or not you want it. And that just is what it is.
Now that you have shed your second skin or regenerated your tail or whatever it is you Scorpios do to renew your existence, just know, that I will be here for you. And know that this is because I am the one worthy of allowing myself to love on this exponential level. As for you, I have always anticipated the wait...

-DeAnna