Sunday, March 30, 2014


  "Shadow of the Day"
Linkin Park


I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you



See ya later, asshole!!!
Dear Goddess,
For some time I have been blinded by addiction...the kind of addiction that seeps into one's soul, under one's skin. For it is not a powder, or a liquid, or a literal narcotic, but it is still very much a poison. It has replaced the aforementioned and it has blinded me. Throughout this painful time, you have protected me, by surrounding me with people who have advised against my partaking, and by disallowing the full immersion others have drowned in.
I thank you for my blessings, for they are many and they come in the form of friendship and patience and self discovery. I pray to you for the strength to learn from this experience and walk away from that which is harmful. I take with me the knowledge that this has been an important part of my journey and I feel stronger in my faith than I ever have, before...

 Tarot-3/29/14

Queen of Wands-Reversed (Significator)
General: In general, the Queen of Wands reversed can indicate that there may soon be a need for you to help out others who are having a problem of some kind

Tower-Reversed
Introduction: Whether reversed or upright, the Tower is a card about change. Just as with the cards “the Devil,” and “Death,” the Tower is not nearly as frightening or ominous as one might think from the depiction on the card in most decks. This is a time to roll with the changes. Holding on to tightly to things or people could well create serious difficulties for you and for your loved ones.
General: When the Tower shows in reverse, it is unfortunately still a possibility that some people/situations that you have counted on as being “there for you” may no longer be there in quite the same way. Try not to over-think this, it doesn’t have to indicate a major, horrible change in life. It’s just some change. Stay mindful of the reality that you either already have – or can get - all the resources you need, to deal with life and to do what you need to do.

World-Reversed
Spirituality: You are very much concerned with spirituality now (even if you don't have anything approximating a "traditional" religious belief. Make regular time, even if you don't attend a "traditional" house of worship - to quiet yourself and allow your spirit some time to expand. What matters here is the regularity of it - whether it's daily, weekly; whatever you can make time for. You will see changes in your life and outlook as a result of giving yourself this time
Work: You may find that a teacher or mentor of some sort that you have been needing appears in your life now…

King of Wands-Reversed
Introduction: The King of Wands reversed can signify a man who has been through a lot in his life, and as a result, he typically is warm, kind, and understanding toward others. He himself is likely to have a great deal of energy, but as he has matured, he has begun to understand that not everyone can match his pace. When the card does not signify a literal person in your life, it refers to feeling energetic and also to a tendency toward being lenient with others. If this is in regard to your children, think carefully whether leniency is the best response to them.
General: In general the King of Wands reversed is a positive card. People around you are likely to be kind, tolerant, and understanding. You should have more than enough energy to get what you need to do accomplished. Again, a light haired, older man may play an important and helpful role in your life.
Work: In the context of work the reversed King of Wands generally indicates helpful men, but it can also signify that one man in particular may tend to be condescending and patronizing toward you. Depending on the situation you may need to accept a certain amount of this, however if this man creates too much difficulty or becomes fully inappropriate toward you there may need to be a confrontation or action taken about it. You do not have to accept a hostile or fully inappropriate work situation. However, neither should you allow yourself to be too thin-skinned.
Love: The King of Wands reversed is a good omen with regard to love, especially if you are interested in an older man who is energetic, kind, and warm. Regardless of who you are interested in or involved with, this card indicates though that your beloved may need some time to think through what he or she needs and what they want to happen in your relationship. It's important that you be patient and open while they figure it out. Take one step at a time.
Queen of Pentacles
Love: In the context of love, this is a very feminine card, and also points to strategy, particularly for those who are not currently involved with anyone. The strategy to find love is the stereotypical feminine one; don't chase it, make yourself available, but do not be desperate to bring someone new into your romantic life. When the time is right, that will be made abundantly clear to you, and you won't have to do backflips to make something come about. Be upbeat, and know that you have many things in you which are worth loving.

Work: When you draw the reversed 7, you may be finding yourself feeling more and more dissatisfied with your current work. If that is the case, take the time and effort to figure out why this is, specifically. Be open minded about things that can change in your current situation (this may need to include that YOU need to change.) You may not need to leave your job. Think critically and charitably about others.
Love: It's important when you get this card in reverse in the context of love, that you realize that no relationship, and no person, is perfect. Neither are you, no matter how hard you try. If you are looking for love and continually coming up empty, consider the possibility that you have an unrealistic, idealized idea of what the "right" partner for you looks like. Real love goes well beyond superficial appearances.


Introduction: The reversed 4 of Cups is a card about breaking out of a self-imposed rut. You are about to find yourself getting moving again. That's a good thing.
General: When the 4 of Cups reversed appears, this is a time to begin to get moving. This is not the time to be pitying yourself or giving in to the "if only's." Start where you are, and know that no matter what is happening, you can make a difference. Count your blessings.
Work: You may finally be getting the get-up-and go to get yourself out of an unhappy work situation. Good for you. You can take your own life by the horns. Believe in yourself.
Love: You may finally be ready to move beyond the ghosts of your past and toward a brighter, happier love life in the future. Spend time thinking about what and who you really and truly need in your life. Look forward, not back.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Brilliant Disguise

-Bruce Springsteen

I hold you in my arms
as the band plays
What are those words whispered baby
just as you turn away
I saw you last night
out on the edge of town
I wanna read your mind
To know just what I've got in this new thing I've found
So tell me what I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise
I heard somebody call your name
from underneath our willow
I saw something tucked in shame
underneath your pillow
Well I've tried so hard baby
but I just can't see
What a woman like you
is doing with me
So tell me who I see
when I look in your eyes
Is that you baby
or just a brilliant disguise
Now look at me baby
struggling to do everything right
And then it all falls apart
when out go the lights

I'm just a lonely pilgrim
I walk this world in wealth
I want to know if it's you I don't trust
'cause I damn sure don't trust myself
Now you play the loving woman
I'll play the faithful man
But just don't look too close
into the palm of my hand
We stood at the alter
the gypsy swore our future was right
But come the wee wee hours
Well maybe baby the gypsy lied
So when you look at me
you better look hard and look twice
Is that me baby
or just a brilliant disguise
Tonight our bed is cold
I'm lost in the darkness of our love
God have mercy on the man
Who doubts what he's sure of


There is truth in the  stars...
There is truth in  Magick...
There is truth in  intuition...

Trust...
Believe...
Truth begins with your  journey...

         Follow the stars...
                Believe in Magick...
                      Trust your intuition...

                                              You will find your truth.

                                                       -Deannalynn Arzola

Friday, March 28, 2014

Words and Actions


Words...

Webster's defines words as a unit of language, consisting of one or more spoken words, or their written representation that function as a principle carrier of meaning.

Words have always been my life's blood. They have allowed me to escape from the madness that surrounded me. They have allowed me to express myself when I could no longer carry my thoughts inside my soul. They are confirmation when we question the wonders of the universe. They are comforting. They are disconcerting. They are affinity. They are daggers.

We use words. In fact, the average person uses 16,000 words a day. Sixteen-thousand...
When we use words, we usually simply say the first thing that comes to mind. There are times, however, when we think about what we want to say. Sometimes we think about our words for days on end, months, years. I have had the dialogue of two scripts in my head since 1999. I have been working on my novel for 5 months. I am a writer, so I always have a plethora of words in my head. I sort of think I write most of my words, rather than speak them, however, but I imagine that constitutes the usage.

The other day, an accusation was posed to me...
"Your actions are not indicative of your words!" I have been pondering this statement for a week. I wondered, do my actions back up my words. I reconcile, in many cases, they do not. I ponder, how do we make sure we are putting our money where our mouth is? Is it really that easy?

Actions...

Webster's defines actions as the act that one consciously wills, and that may be characterized by physical or mental activity.

When I tear myself away from discipline and escape my toxic environment, I find my actions speak even louder than my words. I intentionally tether myself to the kinds of people who bring my passion to the surface and I let my soul fly free. 

I'm the chick a the Springsteen concert, singing along as
loudly as I can. I'm the chick at the Cowboys game, who saved my money for year to sit on the fifty yard line, sporting a big, blue star on her cheek. I'm the chick preparing the snacks for the poker party, taking the brief respite to sit down, play a hand, and taking all your money. And I'm the chick as lost in the passion of the act of love as I am in the passion of the words of love I so incessantly speak to the man I love, my friends and my family.

There are times when we simply cannot walk the talk. I hate those times. I wish I could lie in bed all day, in the arms of the man I so adore, kissing his mouth, exploring every inch of his skin, smelling the pheromones that make me insane, making love fifteen times in twenty-four hours, and listening only to the sound of his words.

It's not that we don't want to back up our words with our actions. I think most of us do. Sometimes we just have to wait until we can. And when we use our words to alliterate our emotions, or, perhaps our thoughts, they don't always match what we say when we're not emotionally charged. Mine certainly don't. That's why I am a writer.

I can say this about words and actions...
The day I can actually get them to reconcile just so, I will be walking up the steps to take the stage at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood, California to accept the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay.

'Til then, I'm trying...

-DeAnna Lynn Arzola









































"...a dream is a personal experience of that deep, dark ground that is the support of our conscience  lives and a myth of society's dream. The myth is the public dream and the dream is the private myth. 
If your private myth, your dream, happens to coincide with that of society, you are in good accord with your group. If it isn't, you've got an adventure in the dark forest ahead of you."

-Joseph Campbell
Blessed be...change is inevitable, great change comes when you work your magick, accept your blessings, pay it forward, work constantly on making what you feel, what you do and believing that what you feel in your soul is what is meant to be and then asking the universe for that which you specifically know is meant to be:::

The Black Moon on Sunday will bring with it a shift of energy and great change. Be ready for it. There will be a breakthrough, call it a gift from the Universe where things for a while afterwards will start to go right for you. Enjoy it. A Black Moon is when there are two New Moons in the same month.

"The Promise"

If you wait for me
then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart

If you think of me
If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

If you dream of me
L like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting

I've longed for you
A and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise
If it's one that you can keep
I vow to come for you
If you wait for me

And say you'll hold
A place for me
I in your heart.

-Tracy Chapman







Today's Hexagram

Friday, Mar 28, 2014

31

Dee's Hexagram for Today:

31: Mutual Attraction

General Meaning:
The attraction of yin and yang is the powerful and fundamental force. The image of this hexagram is that of the attraction between a man and a woman in the courtship stage. In response to the magnetic attraction between them, the masculine principle (the creative, outgoing) seizes the initiative and submits to the feminine (the receptive, sensitive). When the assertive is able to defer to the receptive, and when the receptive accepts responsibility and exercises quiet leadership, an exciting and profitable union is the result. This brings good fortune, for all success depends upon the magnetic effect of mutual attraction.

Consistency is important in matters of mutual attraction, for this is what separates courtship from seduction.

If you are by nature an instigator, it is good to take the initiative. But you need to remain sensitive, and highly principled, and avoid the temptation to be manipulative. Let the power of mutual attraction pull you along. If you are the receptive one, keep your mind innocent and free of pride, so that you may remain open to good advice or helpful assistance. When your influence arises from innocence, an even more powerful magnetic force is at work for you.

Remaining open to the forces of attraction brings good fortune. Closing yourself to them heralds the dying of the soul. Learn to yield to the natural tugs and pulls of the heart.
                                                            My Mantra

Tuesday, March 25, 2014


I sit in my quiet room. The window is open and I can hear the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking. The Tualitin river flows thru my back yard and I can hear the water. Water is what I need. 
This is the song of Oregon.

-DeAnna Lynn Arzola
FALLEN

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up better
I should know
So don't come 'round here
And tell me I told you so
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything, I've held so dear
I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up better
I should know
So don't come 'round here
And tell me I told you so
Heaven bent to take my hand
I have nowhere left to turn
I've lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh, they turned their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step, one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed
Though I've tried, I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up better
I should know
So don't come 'round here
And tell me I told you so, no
-Sarah McLachlan 


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqps9ZdMxs0&index=2&list=PLZjMVXLrzKRBwLjrOT1RreGAeG_F44suu

Saturday, March 22, 2014

This is a letter I wrote to my beloved the day after we had the "Honey, I think you might be a sociopath..." talk.
Going on a year now, that my darling knows I'm on to him. Still the same silly game played between the typical "entitled sociopath" and the intelligent gal with borderline personality disorder.
Still my love, still the yin to my yang.
Knowledge is power...


My Darling,

That you allow me to say my peace for forty-five minutes, sitting silently, listening to me as I flood you with all the emotions I have felt in this past year, is one of those things I have always loved about you.
Just one of them...
I let open the floodgates in an attempt to have you realize that what I HAVE learned about you, know about you, whether you feel that I do or not, is a plus, not a negative. Knowing what it is that makes you tick is surely far more important to me, as well as comforting, than it is for you, I understand. However, as I listen to your words, I hear you say that I do not.
I tell you fifteen times in forty-five minutes that I love you, yet, this is NOT what you hear. You say that my words and my actions are irreconcilable. I disagree, especially at a time when my faith in you is tested and the opportunity to undo you the way you had me undone has arisen with a vengeance. I completely had you. I even told you I would never betray you. Instead, I betrayed myself in an apparent futile attempt to cover you. I want you to know for you, they ARE, my words and my actions, one in the same.
Your personality is indicative of my hypothesis in that you reached out to me, not to try to understand that my words are completely complementary in the message, that it is because of you that I love Joshua the way that I do. Joshua...the love of my life. That you have, yet again, changed me. No, you call me for information on what may be going on at that petri dish we call a place of employment, as you have been absent, and do I have any insider information. 
You are perpetually missing the point by not listening to my words. You hear me. You allow me to alliterate. But after forty-five minutes, you cannot take away the message. Am I so wrong in the belief that you are just incapable of doing so?

My Darling, after all this time, I will not allow you to hear that which I am not saying, most especially when it has been so hard for me to do so for so long.

You have changed me in the most spectacular ways. Because of you, I have come to know my capabilities, realize my strength, reconcile my insecurities. Because of you, I know what my soul feels like, and I understand, empirically, my ability to connect on a psychic level. Last night, you were watching Duke lose by eight points. I was downing Rusty Nails. When the phone rang, I was not surprised. I will be brilliantly successful at my Executive Sales job because you placed me in a sales position. We discussed this position and the very next day, I was in a room with you for eight hours, learning how to sell hotel rooms to the elite of the customer base. The same class as your protege', Joshua. Your Joshua.
Please hear me say that you have changed my life, exponentially, and that I love you for this.
My knowledge of why you do the things you do is not a weapon I wish to wield. It simply serves to make me understand you so that I do NOT hate you, which I would never wish to do as I look back on my first year in Oregon.
For I am that one person who will not use that information against you.
Do you understand this? Can you?
It only matters to me that you do, for you. I want you to know this. Again, for you.

Thank you, my Darling. For everything. For everything. 

-DeAnna

*for you, it's DeAnn, it's always been DeAnn, even two weeks ago when I handed you the email from HR...You read my name aloud, "DeAnn", you said, the words rolling off your tongue with some sort of surreptitious joy that only you are aware of, as you always seem to smile when you say my name that way..."Dee" has somehow never seemed right when YOU say it, just as you did last night, so harshly. A year ago, I corrected you. An unfortunate misstep on my part for which I am sorry. For THIS, I am sorry to myself...you seem to say, "DeAnn" better than anyone else I have ever known...
-DeAnn

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Broken promises, shattered dreams, devastating 
 perpetration, shaken faith...
I have given all that I can...
You have taken all that I gave...
One word...
"No"
That's all you ever had to say to me...
"No"
Never once have you said no to me...
Never once did you say it to all the others...
How many times has it been said to you?
Your charm is disarming...
Disarming to you, not me...
Consider yourself disarmed...
Undone for a brief moment in time...
One moment in time...
While our damage may be equal, our power is not...
My damage gave me power...
Your damage stripped you of your power...
Control is my tool...
I wield it without apprehension...
Power beats charm...
This is my promise...
This is my dream...
This is my perpetration...
This is my faith.


-Deannalynn Arzola

Friday, March 7, 2014

"Out of the Mouths of Babes"

Out of the mouths of babes...
"Life is messy..." she says. I have spent the day with my friend's daughter. She is an eloquent and gifted child. She is not quite 12. We shot hoops together, today. She is exuberant and full of life and she is enthralled by love.
She asked me, today, "Who is this boy you love, Dee?".
"Danielle", I replied, "He is beautiful and damaged, but he is my boy, and I love everything about him."
In her response, she clasps he arms around herself, in a virtual hug, and tells me, "Dee, life is messy."
In the year that I have known my guy, I have been told by everyone from my daughter to my enemies and everyone in between, that I am crazy for loving him. That he is a cad, and I am a victim, just another victim. I was asked, recently if he ever victimized me. No, he has not. 
In my response to this little girl's question, I said, "He is flawed and damaged, yes, but I love him. I have had the joy of being loved, and I love him, because he is beautiful and in spite of his demons, he deserves to be loved like that. To me, he IS beauty and I love him." 
She just smiled.
And wrapped her arms around herself and said to me, "Life is messy..."
She gets it.
She is eleven years old and she gets it.
She is the only other person, other than me and him who gets it.
Out of the mouths of babes... 

-Deannalynn Arzola

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who lived all alone with her mother and father. Her mother was a crazy woman who espoused the same enthusiasm in her glory as she did in her depths of hell. Her father could not relate and the subsequent outcome was her mother's suicide. The result of the suicide left a father with a daughter that reminded him of his mad, dead wife. He decided that pawning his daughter off on his mother so that he could find a new wife and create a new family was the best option...for him. The little girl was treated terribly by the step monster and was eventually shipped off to never, never land.
It would take this little girl a very long time to reconcile the fact that her mother could leave her with a man whom she could not stand to be around to the extent that taking her own life was her only option. It took her even longer to reconcile the whole step family dichotomy that had shaken her to the core.
At some point in her life, she came to realize the difference between good and bad people and to tap into her intuition to understand how to differentiate and accept those who would love her, propel her, heal her.
Even as a woman, she found herself to be the mature shell of the child she had always been, and inside, she was scared to get hurt and afraid to let people in. But she did take that chance and let people in. One of those people she wanted to be within her, she learned to love without expectation. She loved him because it felt good to love him and she knew to the very core of her soul that this was a love that he needed, even more than she did. This was her epiphany.
Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived with a mother and a father and a brother. It was sort of a blended family, and that blending seemed to leave the little boy uncomfortable, as if he could not really find his place in his world. He was a sensitive little boy who loved with his heart and soul on his sleeve and he was ostracized for this.
It would take this little boy a very long time to reconcile the fact that his mother would perpetually compare him to his brother in the most negative ways and would seem to never understand his depth of emotion. Perhaps, in fact, he might never conquer the reconciliation that had shaken him to his core.
At some point in his life, he found himself to be the mature shell of the child he had always been, and inside, he was scared to get hurt and afraid to let people in. But he did take that chance and let (very few) people in. Again, however, most of them let him down, as again, he was misunderstood. One of those people he let in did, however understand his demons and was drawn to the sensitivity she understood was his true nature, and when he came to realize that the love she felt for him was all because of her knowing who he really is, he, too had an epiphany.
This little girl and this little boy knew that they were the same and that what they could learn from each other and share with each other would heal them and that one day there really could be a happily ever after.
There is an old Italian saying that goes something like this, "No beautiful rose ever grows from tainted seeds and untended soil."
The seeds of our friendship are pure and honest. Our soil is blessed with love and understanding. The roses that bloom from this contribution are the rewards we give to each other.
We are each others' person and the knowledge of this is the comfort we seek in other ways. The ways which destroy us.
This comfort, however, is good, not destructive, and the practice of this is what perpetuates the most beautiful roses of all...

-DeAnna Lynn Arzola