This Year's Love

http://open.spotify.com/track/3l5GdoaOPPVWRjIgbTBejJ

Regret

I am so fucking angry with myself, I have to write.
I said no to you. I have loved you for a million fucking years and I have prayed for that moment when you ascend the stairs and open the door to my bedroom by slamming me up against it, your tongue already half way down my throat. And then kiss me all the way to my bed. I have seen the passion in your eyes. I have felt the heat of your breath on my neck. I miss that feeling all the time. There are only two reasons I can think of for saying no; I either did it because I felt some sort of loyal obligation to a married man or I am so terrified to feel as happy as I would lying in your arms after the thrill of you has shaken me to my very core, that I can't say yes.
Please let it be the latter. I am free to love you. And I do. So no more no. Don't let me say no. I need you to help me break down the wall of self hatred I apparently feel for myself and don't let me say no to you. I never enjoy it, nor do I enjoy the consequences attached to it.
My god, the explosion when that energy collides.
DeAnna

There are destinations in our lives that we dream of in our sleep and revere in our waking moments. They are so magnificent that once we yield to regard the journey, or perhaps what actually awaits us on the other side, we develop a fear so considerable, we are frozen in our tracks.

It is this unadulterated fear that prevents us from placing our trembling fingers on the door knob, grasping it tightly with enthusiasm and pushing open the door that may, quite possibly reward us with our truest destiny of all.

                                                                                                                               - Deanna Lynn Arzola

           *Thank you to S. L. Jennings for the quote, from the novel, "Fear of Falling"