“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam."
Carl Sagan
There are times in one's life when they become taken aback with the reconciliation of their blessings. When I wake up in the morning, I am happy. Surely I have had sweet dreams in the night. I realize that I am going to listen to my favorite music on the train and that I will be challenged by my work and that there will be several moments in my day in which I will think of you and I will smile. A change has occurred in my thought process and I am keenly aware that I have always enjoyed getting to know you better, so knowing that at some point in my week, I will continue to do so fills my heart with a poison so sweet, I crave it. You are an intricate thread in my current cloth and I am a happy girl for it. With this comfort comes the ability to make everything else fall into place. I am exponentially blessed with the relationship I have with my Jeanine. It has only gotten better with you at my side. Pardon my lack of your desired surreptitiousness, but when one feels this amazing from the presence of another person, she must alliterate. Beauty, passion, intensity, trust, and comfort, all aligned perfectly. Just like the stars...
For you, Doc...
With Love,
Deannalynn Arzola
Amanda rushed out the door, spilling her Starbucks all over the left quarter panel of her Ford pickup, leaving in her wake the demands of domesticity crying out for every moment of her time. Filing behind the wheel, she finally felt that addictive mix of tranquility and excitement. She drew in a deep breath, exhaled, shifted into first and drove into her momentary lapse of reality.
Dan was busy, running around the office, putting out fires here and there, finding incredible fulfillment in the immersion of his tasks. A wonderfully intelligent and charismatic fellow, Dan was in his zone running a war room.
Amanda, like the others in the office, could not help but be drawn in by his blend of words and charm. It absolutely devastated her to feel this way. She loved her beautiful life. She was in love with her husband, a kind and caring man. She was engrossed in raising her teenage daughter. She ran her own home based business, which if incorporated with her own plethora of pets, Noah would surely call upon her in the event of a flood. There was barely enough time to sleep, let alone work tirelessly on a project bathed in such capacious passion. Amanda needed to be there, no matter the fallout. She couldn't get Dan out of her mind and the only cure for this perceived madness was to fall in his shadow.
The drive was fraught with anticipation. With every thought of him, a Cheshire grin crept across her lips. It was so unbelievably hot outside. Was it her, him, the Mojave? She almost tripped over her bag trying to exit the truck. She couldn't get inside the air-conditioned building fast enough. Dan was in the copy room putting together some flyers for the cause. Amanda slipped silently behind him, her breath on the back of his neck still searing from the blazing temperature. She wrapped her her arms around his solid midsection and lost herself in his essence. He dropped the stack of flyers in his hands and turned to face her. They studied each other for what seemed like an uncomfortable amount of time, taking in the energy that surrounded them.
Dan's kisses were so deep and passionate, the intensity knee weakening. Amanda was inherently perplexed. She sat at her desk and began to dissect her circumstance. On the one hand, Dan understood her words. They basically spoke the same language. And, oh, how he listened so well. Amanda could go on for hours without ever being interrupted by Dan. And then when he did chime in, his words were eloquent and mystical and the information behind them was desired, respected, and concurred. The things she learned from him were more confirming than teaching and she understood that he knew that she was keenly aware that they connected on a very different level. And then she thought about her husband, Sam. She had always loved him. He was healing for her. He was her best friend. He was shy and quiet and exponentially creative. In her marriage, Amanda thought, she was the teacher. She was very different from anyone Sam had ever loved before. And for her, he was different, too. Her heart went to that place that ached, that place that Sam was responsible for creating a crevice. He craved Amanda to the point of her having no choice but to abandon all of her shiny things, just so as to avoid the pain her husband felt when she spent one moment on anything other than him. A feeling of nausea overcame her in the smothering reality of her marriage. She truly loved a man who almost disallowed with empathy her entire structure.
Dan walked past Amanda's desk, slowly, while engaging her in one his famous stares, his eyes sinking down into her soul. Shit, was THIS reality and the whole domestic thing just a fantasy? It didn't matter. She was in love with him. And she was in love with Sam, too, and her daughter, and her dogs. Amanda straightened up her desk and prepared to take her leave. As if he could feel her eminent departure, Dan came over to greet her. It was early, she wasn't expected home for a couple more hours. Sam was still at work. They walked to her truck. She cranked the ignition and Springsteen was blaring from the radio. Springsteen, that thing that brought them together with their mutual love of his music and that thing that Amanda had taught Sam all about. It was magic, perfect timing.
Dan pressed Amanda against the truck and swallowed her soul with his kiss. She was spinning. She had to push him away, mustering the strength of the US Marines to do it, and get in her car and go. She grasped Dan's face and stared into his soul for a moment. She squeezed release beneath him, got in the truck and drove away.
Amanda went home and made dinner. Her thoughts were consumed by her love for everyone in her life. She knew she would always have to make room, there, for Dan and that Sam was just going to have to trust her in her loyalty and accept that his presence would perpetually reside in her soul.
Amanda knew from the very beginning that Dan would always be there, even when all the others moved on or fell away. She knew she would have to remind him throughout their lives that he has a piece of her that no one else ever will. They both knew that their parallel lives would continue to perpetuate but they understood that they would always cross each other's respective paths along the way and that was a good thing...
A Short Story by
-Deannalynn Arzola
*The title of this story is from a Springsteen song of the same title, recorded November 10, 1977, released on the album TRACKS, released November 10, 1998.
The photograph was taken by me on November 10, 2011
It's magic, either believe in it or accept that the people you love, do...
