Addiction

I wanted to reiterate my thoughts on addiction...
If we can partake sparingly, again, we earn the privilege to partake. It is, perhaps a necessary evil, but I am drawn to the ecstasy and the comfort that comes from your venom.
Remember, it takes a little of the poison to perpetuate the cure...

Addiction: the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming.

Dependence, fixation, enslavement, crush, fetish, fascination, infatuation, preoccupation.

Addiction has long been a derogatory term. It has often been associated, exclusively, with drugs. Here's the thing I have learned about addiction as I have traversed the highway to hell:

One becomes introduced to something in particular that fascinates them. It is, perhaps a crush, or a fetish, or maybe it is that thing you recognize as the element you have been missing your entire life. In the beginning, this element makes you feel utterly amazing. For the time being, it is just a simple infatuation. The more of this wicked material you absorb, however, the more you become fixated on it. Attempting to carry on with your life on a daily basis, you unfortunately find yourself becoming preoccupied by it's very existence. It is beauty and death all wrapped up in one pretty little package and before long, you are in a psychological battle with the object of your affection. You realize that this affinity  will eventually consume you, voraciously and unrepentantly, so you muster all the strength you have left, and you stop. You rely on your friends and your family to get you thru the withdrawal, and if you are lucky, you have this prodigious support system that never judges you, holds your hair back when you vomit, reminds you everyday that you are stronger than this thing eating you alive from the inside out, and you grieve and you reconcile. And when all the dust clears and the cobwebs have been mercifully extricated from your mind, the clarity is magnificent.

 If the object of your affection is still, somehow present in your life, you must learn to live with it, because, one, living without it is simply not an option, and two, if you CAN learn to live with it, you've gained the control that you lost in your dependence. I've always favored the word independence. It is the antithesis of being dependent on something. It is a state of being I am forever trying to aspire to. 

So, little by little, you let your beloved back in. You do this with complete authority and confidence that you've got this. And here's my solution to the dilemma that is addiction: If you can partake of your poison in a disciplined fashion, without all the negative attributes associated with the enslavement of said addiction, then you have earned the right to occasionally partake. Consider it a gift you give yourself for being so strong!!!

"Dear Goddess, give me the strength to enjoy that which I love so much and do not wish to live without for the rest of my life. Help me to stop dead in my tracks before I cross that invisible line, so that I may observe, and savor the ecstasy of this beautiful nectar in it's purest form."

Drugs are easy to stay away from. People, not so much. Chicks dig bad boys. It's almost ingrained in our DNA. It's not that we want to be hurt, they just fascinate us, so. It has been relatively hard for me to determine if what I recognized when I first saw my beautiful inclination was addiction or love. After all the reconciliation I had to do to come to terms with my infatuation, I realized that I am extremely intuitive, it was love and I recognized the soul of a man I have loved for a million years and most surely would continue to for a million more. He is, however, my addiction. When he looks at me, I feel warm and intoxicated. It is the greatest feeling of comfort the world has ever known. When I do not see him, I am wishing I was. When he talks to me, which for a reason I can only attribute to complete and total reticence, he cannot seem to do so well, while he seems to have no problem doing it with others. LOTS of others...I am happy. My beloved is not the master of articulation by any means, and we have actually discussed the  "somewhat exhausting communication problem" at length. But there are these other ways we communicate and when we do, and I know that no one else has a clue what that one odd word in the body of a mass email means, I laugh, and my heart swoons. *Yes darling, I am grateful for the knowledge that you are reading this, too. Thank you for the clandestine confirmation.

Days like today, when the object of my affection lets slip his empirical knowledge of my birthday and offers to share a little piece of himself with me, trust me, I want to bite off all that I can chew. Let me deal with the consequences tomorrow, but I wont. I will simply savor the flavor, partake sparingly and only enjoy him a little, because God, forbid I lose the privilege of enjoying him, all together.

Leaves of orange, roses red
Bless this moonlit night.
Enchanted magic bless us with
The greatest gift of sight.

All Hallows Eve will lift the veil
And we can see the dead.
Bless this ground we walk upon,
And shall not fear to tread.
 
 







Spirits, ghosts, familiars, come and share with us this time...
New memories make where not allowed at any other time.

 And nonbelievers now should see
What I see everyday:

Inside your soul, your heart, your mind,
My magic, psychic way.

 



November rain, come cleanse my soul
And wash away my pain
And clear the cobwebs from my eyes,
So I may see again...

-A Halloween Blessing
by Deannalynn Arzola

Shattered
Breathless
Tears
Confused
Lament
Perplexed
Disenchanted
Spiritless
Bereft
Disconcerted
Exanimate
Astray
Disheartened
Irrevocable
Irretrievable

                                                                                              ...Gone

 My Beloved,

I feel so compelled to tell you why I had to disembody myself from your space. From all the research I have done recently, to get to the bottom of you, I understand it really wouldn't matter to you anyway, but, as I am not you, I am me, and you are well aware of that which I am capable of, my heart aches for you and how I would assume one would feel reconciling the actions I have had to take to protect myself. If it were me, I would be perplexed. I would want an explanation. The fact that I am still racked with ambivalence over taking away that piece of me I gave to you shakes me to my very core. Even knowing almost empirically that you are not capable of the emotion necessary to feel the way I would or did when you took away the pieces of you that I had, still...ambivalent.
I miss you. I love you. I don't ever want you to experience pain from my own causation. It is my understanding that you cannot feel that kind of pain. But I see you. I can still see you the way I have always seen you and today it seems to me that, on some level, you are hurt by my actions. Please understand, my love, that it is because I love you that I cannot allow you to dishonor a piece of me that came from a place so deep inside of me. I wish I were wrong. I wish I could know that it is sadness you feel and not anger, but as you are such a master of manipulation, what I perceive to be pain in your eyes could very possibly be just another ploy to toy with and control my emotions.
It has taken me allot of understanding to reconcile how you could do the things you do. The results of that research have left me sick. For someone like me to fall in love with someone like you seems to me to be such a waste of my blood. As hard as it is for you to understand and feel the depth of my commitment for you, it appears to be equally as hard for you to accept that commitment. That is the greatest shame I have ever witnessed. I am still trying to figure out why you walked into my life. I have always believed you need my love. I guess I still do. What I cannot wrap my head around is that no matter how hard you try to accept that love, you are biologically incapable of doing so. So why? Why did all of the signs point directly towards you. Why was it love at first sight for me? Why did I love you from the very beginning, not knowing your genetic incapacity to feel all that incredible emotion. I am not a victim of your sociopathy in the respect that I chose you, not the other way around. Everything inside of me says that if you could love me, you would and while I absolutely appreciate that you are far more immune to pain than I am, I still feel like I can see pain in your eyes. None of this makes sense to me. It never has. I only know that when you told me you felt we should give it a shot, I was the happiest girl on earth. I find it very difficult to believe that you are incapable of the emotion I recognized in your words. I know at the very depth of my soul that you would never hurt me for the joy of it. I guess I have truly always known that if you could love me the way you know I should be loved, you would. It is that little piece of you that makes it so hard for me to accept your incapability. 
I know this is not your fault. I realize you did not target me. These realizations only serve to prevent me from achieving the necessary emotion required to let you go, completely. So, inevitably, you should know that I had to take me back. It will always be hard for me to see you and know what I know and attempt to process that information on an interaction by interaction basis. The information is simply too hard for me to digest at present. To know you is to not love you, or so should be the way the saying goes. When I didn't know you, I loved you more freely. I know it's weird the way we have almost continually worked backwards from the result to the initiation, and that has oft made for discomfort and a lack of communication. It's just the way it happened. I saw something in you from the first day and I have been trying to reconcile those emotions ever since.
I always tell my friends, "Don't be scared of pain you think you MAY feel. Take the risk. It's worth it." But I am finding it harder and harder to say this because not all pain is worth the risk. This pain is way too much for me to bear. I hurt every minute of every day. I am not a believer in regret. I believe everything happens for a reason. I am still trying to understand what the reason is for this experience, this outcome. I began with the thought that as long as you were aware that you were loved by someone like me, someone who was willing to go every extra mile necessary to understand you, accept you, that THAT was the reason and that was ok with me, but if you can't wrap your head around an emotion like that, then what in the hell is the reason for this. 
It seems to me, neither one of us is very happy at the moment. I don't know what to say anymore, with the exception that for some reason I fell in love with you, and I'm not sure that's ever gonna change and that I would give you that love freely if I knew you could feel it, understand it or accept it. I never want to see you hurt, if, indeed, that is something you are capable of, and I'm sorry that this is what we have from all we could have had.
-DeAnna

Sociopathy 101

Recently,  I have been doing an inordinate amount of research on sociopathy. I am of the belief that knowledge of this atypical personality is the greatest weapon against it. In my research, I have found that once the sociopath realizes you are onto him, retaliation can be relentless, even dangerous. I work with one. In fact, I was in love with him, but I refuse to be afraid of the ramifications possible from exposing him. He does not understand the concept of ramification and fear is his motivator. Fear of being found out. Fear of social norm. Fear is the only emotion he has ever felt and, therefor, he understands it's usefulness. We are supposed to be afraid of their vengeance, as they protect their secrets, their criminality, their deception, as the rest of us protect our friends, our family, our loved ones. I refuse to be afraid. I will expose the truth. I will not be a victim, and I will take what I have learned and teach it to everyone who will listen. Again, these are the attributes of the sociopath:

• always charming and beguilingly plausible, especially to those who are capable of protecting or enhancing the sociopath's position
• excels at deception (this must never be underestimated, but always is)
• excels at evasion of accountability
• is extremely and successfully manipulative of people's perceptions and emotions (eg: guilt and anger)
• silver-tongued, has an extreme verbal facility and can outwit anybody (including a top barrister) in verbal conflict
• will often engineer himself or herself into a position of authority as gatekeeper of the organisation and thus the person through whom all information must flow, and the person to whom all requests for services must be referred - which he or she then takes delight in denying
• is adept at offering weak and inadequate people the positions of power, control, security, influence or respect that they crave but who lack the necessary competencies to achieve - such people are unaware that their consequent dependence on the sociopath makes them permanent manipulatees, pawns and expendable agents of harassment
• identifies those essential to the sociopath's survival and manipulates their perceptions of them by making them feel special and thus obligated to reciprocate with support and protection
• manipulates others into making fools of themselves in situations where they cannot back down or from which they cannot withdraw - these people become increasingly susceptible to further manipulation and are then trapped as pawns in the sociopath's game
• is likely to be surrounded by people who, having been subjected to control, manipulation and punishment by the sociopath, look wretched and who start to exhibit behaviour best described as disordered, dysfunctional, sullen, aggressive, defensive, hostile, retaliatory, counterproductive or cult-like and for whom disbelief, disavowal and denial are instinctive responses
• creates an environment where levels of denial are so great that those involved are oblivious of the foolishness and self-evident absurdity of their denials when presented with the facts, with the result that non-involved observers are led to question whether such levels of denial merit psychiatric intervention
• is contemptuous of disrepute to their organisation and of collateral damage and of the destructive consequences for all direct and indirect parties
• is always surrounded by and leaves behind a trail of dysfunctional organisations, destroyed businesses, ruined careers, stress breakdowns and unexplained suicides
• despite a trail of devastation to individuals, organisations, families and communities, the actions of a socialised psychopath may go undetected or unrecognised for years
• a history of conducting frivolous, vexatious and malicious legal actions, especially (but not exclusively) against anyone who can recognise the sociopath for what he is
• only after the sociopath is exposed and relieved of position, or they move on, can the full depth of their destructive behaviour be fathomed and the consequences calculated
• is skilled at identifying, undermining, discrediting, neutralising and destroying anyone who can see through the sociopath's mask of sanity
• at all times restricts the actions and rights of others (especially those holding the sociopath accountable) whilst aggressively protecting his or her right to do anything without being hampered by social norms or legal requirements
• pursues endless vindictive vendettas against anyone perceived as a threat or who attempts, knowingly or unknowingly, to identify or reveal or expose the sociopath, or who makes efforts to hold the sociopath accountable
• is adept at appropriating rules, regulations, procedures and law to manipulate, control and punish accusers regardless of relevance, logic, facts or consequences
• persists in and pursues vindictive vendettas using self-evidently false evidence or information, even after this is brought to the attention of the sociopath
• will often manipulate minor bullies of the Wannabe type (who on their own might or would not merit the label 'serial bully') into acting as agents of harassment and as unwitting or unwilling conductors of vendettas
• is adept at placing people in situations where the sociopath can tap into each person's instinctive urge to retaliate in order to use them as his or her instruments or agents of harassment
• gains gratification from provoking others into engaging in adversarial conflict
• once conflict has been initiated, the sociopath gains increased gratification by exploiting human beings' instinctive need to retaliate - this is achieved by encouraging and escalating peoples' adversarial conflicts into mutually assured destruction
• revels in the gratification gained from seeing or causing other people's distress
• when faced with accountability or unwelcome attention which might lead to others discerning the sociopath's true nature, responds with repeated and escalating attempts to control, manipulate and punish
• is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto their accusers
• is adept at creating conflict between those who would otherwise pool negative information about the sociopath
• has no limits on his or her vindictiveness
• the need to control, manipulate and punish develops into an obsession with many of the hallmarks of an addiction
• is skilled at mimicry and can plausibly and spontaneously regurgitate all the latest management jargon
• exhibits minimal professional skill level and competency
• exploits his or her intelligence to excel at talentless mediocrity
• is always identifying the behaviours and strategies to which other people respond with the desired effect
• is able to anticipate and credibly say what people want to hear
• is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off
• easily manipulates and bewitches an immature or naive or vulnerable or emotionally needy person to be their spokesperson or agent of aggression
• exploits anyone who has a vulnerability
• is pushy and extremely persuasive
• is sexually inadequate and sexually abusive
• is likely to protect anyone accused of or suspected of sexual abuse of pedophile activity, and will frustrate or obstruct investigations into that person
• maybe associating with, or actively involved in, abuse or pedophile activity
• has no emotions, no emotional processing capability and no ability to understand other's emotions
• is incapable of understanding, initiating or sustaining intimacy
• the male sociopath has often convinced a string of women to feel they are in love with him and despite being treated abominably they blindly continue to be loyal to him and minister willingly to his every demand
• may start projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest
• frequently takes unnecessary and calculated risks but takes no account of consequences
• is reckless and untrustworthy with money
• is likely to be illegally diverting or siphoning off significant sums of money to his or her own budget, project, account or cause
• is unreliable and untrustworthy in every facet of life
• is likely to be leaking confidential information or secrets to third parties
• is likely to have committed or be committing criminal or near-criminal offences, eg fraud, embezzlement, deception
• is likely to have committed or be committing breaches of harassment and discrimination law, employment law, contract law, etc
• disregards rules, regulations, Health and Safety requirements, professional standards, codes of conduct and legal requirements, etc
• cannot comprehend the deeper semantic meaning of language and is thus unable to understand or appreciate metaphor, hyperbole, irony, satire etc (these elicit either zero response or a hostile response)
• likes, seeks, enjoys and relies on procedure, ritual and ritualistic practices
• through arrogant overconfidence takes increasingly risky chances and eventually overplays their hand or makes a mistake which leads to the sociopath revealing him or herself
• exhibits parasitical behaviour, takes everything and gives nothing
• grabs headline credit for minimal, fluky or other peoples' success whilst
• surviving off the backs of manipulatees who are exclusively blamed for all failures
• rarely blinks, may have scary eyes that cut right through you, or may avoid eye contact completely
• is callous, cold and calculating
• is devious, clever and cunning
• is ruthless in the extreme
• regards people as objects and playthings to be discarded when surplus to requirements
• displays zero empathy
• completely without conscience, remorse and guilt
• malicious and evil

"The Travel Agent, the Sticky-note  and the Sociopath"

by Deannalynn Arzola

Have you ever felt so compelled to adjoin yourself to another person that you disregarded every warning bell that either went off in your head? Have you ever stared truth smack dab in the face and completely disregarded it? Well, sorry readers, but you may have found yourself falling for a sociopath.
I have lived my life in practice of several things. I practice karma, I practice unconditional love, I practice strength. I have always believed that I am truly intuitive. My intuition is my faith, which in turn, makes me a stronger person. I have never really had to seek out good people with which to surround myself. I have fine tuned my antennae so as to recognize them instantly...
Until I met my sociopath...

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-V, defines the sociopath as having the following characteristic traits:

• Glibness and Superficial Charm
• Manipulative and Conning
  They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
• Grandiose Sense of Self
  Feels entitled to certain things as "their right."
• Pathological Lying
  Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.
• Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
  A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.
• Shallow Emotions
  When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.
• Incapacity for Love
• Need for Stimulation
  Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.
• Callousness/Lack of Empathy
  Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.
• Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
  Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.
• Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
  Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.
• Irresponsibility/Unreliability
  Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.
• Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
  Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.
• Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
  Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.
• Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
  Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

Those charmed by a sociopath describe them thusly:

• Having an over sized ego   

• Lying and exhibiting manipulative behavior

• Showing a lack of remorse or shame

• Staying eerily calm in scary or dangerous situations

• Behaving irresponsibly or with extreme impulsivity

• Having few friends

• Being charming--but only superficially

• Living by the "pleasure principle" 

• Showing disregard for societal norms

• Having "intense" eyes

The following is an excerpt from lawyer and author, and yes, Sunday school teacher, M.E. Thomas' memoir, "Confessions of a Sociopath"

I Am a Sociopath

"Remorse is alien to me. I have a penchant for deceit. I am generally free of entangling and irrational emotions. I am strategic and canny, intelligent and confident, but I also struggle to react appropriately to other people's confusing and emotion-driven social cues.
"I was not a victim of child abuse, and I am not a murderer or a criminal. I have never skulked behind prison walls; I prefer mine to be covered in ivy. I am an accomplished attorney and law professor, a well-respected young academic who regularly writes for law journals and advances legal theories. I donate 10 percent of my income to charity and teach Sunday school for the Mormon Church. I have a close circle of family and friends whom I love and who very much love me. Does this sound like you? Recent estimates say that one in every 25 people is a sociopath. But you're not a serial killer, never imprisoned? Most of us aren't. Only 20 percent of male and female prison inmates are sociopaths, although we are probably responsible for about half of all serious crimes committed. Nor are most sociopaths incarcerated. In fact, the silent majority of sociopaths live freely and anonymously, holding down jobs, getting married, having children. We are legion and diverse.
"You would like me if you met me. I have the kind of smile that is common among television show characters and rare in real life, perfect in its sparkly teeth dimensions and ability to express pleasant invitation. I'm the sort of date you would love to take to your ex's wedding—fun, exciting, the perfect office escort. And I'm just the right amount of successful so that your parents would be thrilled if you brought me home.
"Perhaps the most noticeable aspect of my confidence is the way I sustain eye contact. Some people have called it the "predator stare." Sociopaths are unfazed by uninterrupted eye contact. Our failure to look away politely is also perceived as being aggressive or seductive. It can throw people off balance, but often in an exciting way that imitates the unsettling feeling of infatuation. Do you ever find yourself using charm and confidence to get people to do things for you that they otherwise wouldn't? Some might call it manipulation, but I like to think I'm using what God gave me."

WOW!!!

In my 47 years on this earth, I have never really known a sociopath. I probably have met a few along the way, but I guess I was just really lucky to have never invited one into my inner sanctum. It happens to the best of us. Most of us are no match for the sociopath. These people are, perhaps, born this way, as the DSM-V suggests. It more than likey begins as a chemical imbalance, leaving the sociopath feeling different from the rest of his peers, so then begins the lifelong practice of manipulation. If you think about it, it's quite the perfect storm. A boy is born with this atypical chemical imbalance and the first woman in his life is biologically compelled to bond with her son. He, in turn, is incapable of returning what she perceives as a natural emotion. True bonding is simply unattainable. This, obviously causes a serious rift in the relationship, so both mother and child spend their lives trying to compensate in other ways. There in lies the problem. The mother is not mentally ill, and does not understand, nor does she recognize what is really going on inside her son's mind. As the son begins to see that his mother is somewhat indifferent towards him, and not so to his siblings, his attempt to get her to love him presents it's self in the form of charm. The charm seems to work on the mother, so the son sees this as success, and therefor, uses this tool on everyone else in his life. Charm becomes second nature to him, however, he is still different. He subsequently holds everyone he meets at arms length. 

While nurture surly plays a substantial role in the development of the sociopath, it is mostly a missing link within the brain, so the sociopath not only learns how to use people to get what he wants, he espouses none of the typical emotions accessible to the rest of us, ie; compassion, guilt, empathy,fear, love. The organics of the sociopath will compel him to acomplish the highest attainable merit with the least amount of effort. The goal is not the accolades, the goal is seeing how much he can get a way with. That is where the the fun is for the sociopath. Getting good grades in school is easy. If the sociopath cannot figure out the subject, which is highly rare, he will charm his way to the A. Again, it's not about the grade. You may find a sociopath's goal is receiving a bad grade just so he can manipulate the adult into changing the grade. The goal is not to learn. The fun is the reaction he gets in the art of the manipulation. The end result is always power!!!
In adolescence, our sociopath begins to experience natural, biological sexual feelings. (I almost used the word "emotions" where I used "feelings", because I am not a sociopath and therefor, have emotions. When I say "feelings", I mean the sensation, not the emotion). This is a dangerous time in the life of the sociopath, not for him, but for the rest of us. He is charming, and sexy and beautiful, because, apparently, a lack of empathy is made up for genetically by wicked good looks, memorizing eyes and intense sensuality. He will practice on the first girlfriend. He will practice the very same things he always has, charm, manipulation, dishonesty, however, it is at this stage in his life where he will learn, it is not correctness in the answer, but the delivery. He could say to his girl, "Asia is the least populated continent on earth", and she would believe him, without question, as his delivery of that incorrect information was so convincing. The lying is pathological and unnecessary, and the fib not the goal. It is the excitement of lying and the thrill of being believed. With this, he gains another sociopathic super power: confidence. This is a little foreign to him at first, as he has felt uncomfortable in his own skin his whole life. This confidence is the best tool in his arsenal, where power is the desired result.
While a sociopath will never trust another living soul, which, perhaps is the true catalyst of sociopathy, he will garner the trust of everyone who meets him. He will never share a secret, but he will know all of yours. And trust me, he only wants to know them so that he can usurp power and control over you. And, to get what he wants, like a better grade, sex from a virgin, a paid day off from work, just to see if he CAN!!!
The term "God complex" must have been coined, specifically, for the sociopath. They are often reckless, when it comes to themselves and others, and many think that they will not be injured. They will take the greatest risks because they truly believe they are invincible, seeing themselves as all powerful. This is a huge problem as they enter the workplace. Sociopaths are some of the most convincing  leaders the world has ever known. They are exceedingly smart, as they are the only thing they really study and take an interest in. Many a sociopath has quickly worked his way up the corporate ladder by lying about his education so convincingly, no one ever bothers to fact check, and with charm, confidence and charisma that simply cannot be found in the average sane person. They quickly become managers, which for the sociopath is erotic, as they are actually being paid to be in control of other peoples' fate. They will also be the first to tell you that they are extremely overqualified for the position they hold, when in fact, they are probably lacking the education required for such a position. Once in a position of authority, they will use their power to satisfy their insatiable sexual appetite, all the while absolutely unbeknownst to their own superiors. There are three major factors involved in this type of behavior that make up the perfect storm of sociopathy: power, risk and deceit. Life is a game to the sociopath and his place of employment, his playground. All the rest of us are simply playground equipment for him to use until he gets bored. He does not understand the concept of ramifications, as he feels he is invincible and usually has plenty of people in his corner that he can either use to save him from demise or charm into believing that the child his subordinate is carrying could not possibly be his. Just let the human resources department ask him about this situation and he will turn around and sue the company, all the while knowing that is his child and believing he will win his case. The sociopath will come to work everyday and act completely removed from his truth, believing that he is fooling everyone, when in fact, the entire office knows the truth, while at the same time convincing the subordinate to not tell anyone that he, is in fact, responsible for this life altering event that she should be sharing with the world. Somehow, however, she obeys and the charade continues.
Sociopaths are narcissists. Websters defines narcissism as excessive self love, so they aren't really true narcissists, they have simply learned how to mask their lack of self understanding and discomfort with the tools of narcissism.
While sociopaths will vary greatly, they all have one defining trait,  presenting themselves as having the same empathy feelings and emotions as others when in fact they lack this emotional capacity. They are thus cold and manipulative and rarely see any problem with their actions.
The best way to avoid being caught up in the web of a sociopath is not necessarily to recognize these aforementioned characteristics and take leave in the other direction. I am a smart, intuitive gal, and I got swept up from moment one, hence the research I have done, so as to learn why I could fall for such a wicked devil. The best way to avoid one is to make it imperical to them that you know exactly who and what they are. While they do believe they can manipulate almost anyone and love the challenge of doing so, they are extremely smart and they will recognize your ability to see thru them and they will run the other direction as fast as they can. 
The best way to differentiate between a sociopath and a psycopath is to see the impulsivity in the sociopath and the calculation in the psychopath.  The sociopath is not driven to dominate. They are afforded incredible power because of their charm and ability to lie on a pathological level, but they are not about a means to an end, it is the journey that they enjoy. They live in the moment and garner the most excitement by living their way of life to the fullest, moment by moment. Tomorrow does not matter. 
When a sociopath is finished with you, you will be simply stunned by the events that not only happened in the relationship, but by the events that follow. As normal members of society, we feel pain and loss and express those emotions with sadness or shame or some sort of consequential emotion from the fallout. Sociopaths do not do this. They cannot feel pain and loss the way the rest of us do and they will carry out their over-the-top risky behavior for their enjoyment and gratification, charming the pants off you to do so and when they are bored with you, they will seem to act as if said situation never occurred. When presented with the facts of their dastardly deeds by another, they will lie with a complete lack of conscience and say, "That never happened". And they  do it so well because they actually believe their lies. 
If you find yourself the unfortunate victim of a sociopath, there are two roads you can choose. The first road consists of disillusionment in humanity and one's own self, and the subsequent possibility that this could happen again, or, you can walk down the second, which will find you spending every moment trying to figure out how an educated and experienced gal could fall for such a cad, and use that knowledge to avoid the possibility of it ever happening to you again. 
My sociopath did not target me. I am not one of the girls at the office the he stood upon his self-assigned pedastal and lorded over in order to pick and choose his victim of the day with which to pratice his risky behavior. Oh, no, I chose him. Something inside me said, "Just get over it. Do not share this information with him..." If you ever have this feeling about someone, listen!!! It is the intuitive voice inside your head, a gift you were blessed with to help you avoid a bad outcome.
When I told him that I wanted him to be a part of my life, he responded, in kind, in writing. My sociopath is a member of what he likes to refer to as "Leadership Staff". He considers himself a manager on his social media pages. I considered this risky behavior the second I read his response. He also took it upon himself to "read between the lines" of my letter, having admitted this to me in his response. An overblown egomaniacal idiosyncrasy I should have recognized right then and there. He alliterated his desire to have a relationship with me. IN WRITING!!!
"Well, I must say, with what I understand from the intentions of this email, I am flattered as well as surprised. I did not realize that you had feelings of this magnitude; however, I would be happy to explore them with you, at minimum as friends, but potentially more ... as I read between the lines of your email, I certainly felt tingles inside..."
 This posed a conundrum for me before I realized that I was in love with a sociopath. Did he trust me that much? Turns out, no, he's just a sociopath who likes to take risks and play fast and loose with his life. I have held on to his letters, not because I could take him down in an instant if I so desired, but because I needed the proof for myself. Proof that I did not just imagine the whole thing. I now realize that the response he wrote was more for him than for me and as long as I have his words to hold against him, he enjoys the thrill of consequence.
Following this communication, the first time I  saw him was at work. He approached me with intense anticipation, catching me a bit off guard, and led me up the stairs to an empty office space and completely consumed me. I was utterly stunned by this. I even told him so. While I thought it was our passion that excited him, I am sure now that it was the risk of getting caught on the property, being intimate, with a subordinate. 
I was not the first. I was not the last. It took me six months to realize that I was in love with a sociopath.

 My sociopath and I have a mutual friend. She is a very smart and perceptive gal who knows both of us very well. She knew before the sociopath did, that I was head over heals for him, so she basically watched the entire tragedy unfold before her very eyes, in real time. Unable to contain her contempt for him and the emotional turmoil he was causing me any longer, she confronted him. 
"I don't know what's going on with Dee. She expressed all of her feelings for me in one fell swoop. Too much, too soon. Nothing ever happened between us. Jesus, Maggie, I've flirted with you way more than I ever have with her".
Needless to say, Maggie knew he was lying straight to her face. She was pale with illness when I asked her what he said.  His inconsequential disposal of me and what did happen between us bothered her almost as much as it did me, so she un-friended him on Facebook and I spent my time trying to figure it all out. 
A couple of months later, she and I were talking, and I said, "Maggie, why does he keep that sticky-note stuck to the cubicle wall, right in his line of vision, still?"
"Dee", she said with absolute authority in the matter, "Serial killers keep trophies, too".
This answer came to me like a light bulb over my head. Of course. That's it. I remembered a comment my sociopath made to me as we were talking about "us". 
"It's not you, it's me."
It's a stupid statement men have been using on woman for eons, but this time it seemed to make more sense to me. It WAS him. He is incapable of love. In fact, I'm sure if he could love me, he would.
The sticky-note, which is a a drawing of a Capricorn with the words "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul and sings the tune with no words", by Emily Dickinson, is something I drew one day when I was bored at work and he was not there to talk to, so I walked over to his desk and stuck the little yellow sticky-note on his cubicle wall. That was over three months ago and it is still there, tho he and I sometimes go a week without speaking to each other.
I have been totally intrigued by the sticky-note situation for months now. At first I thought it remained because he loved me but because he knocked up aforementioned subordinate, we couldn't be together and it was a token of communication. Then, I thought it was perhaps a way to keep me addicted. When Maggie called it a trophy, it was the first time my insane addiction to my sociopath made sense at all.

There is still a part of me that believes I must have known him, loved him in a previous life and that I love him because I am the one woman who CAN love him, but if you ask my friends, they will all tell you, individually, that this man bears not one redeeming quality, whatsoever. That he is lazy and skates through his job. They are right. That he is a scumbag who usurps his position to sexually harass those whom he "picks and chooses", who all shrug off his advances and consider him a creep of the nth degree. They are right. That he is a pathological liar. They are right. 
What I have such a hard time reconciling, is how everybody else could see thru his charade and I could not. I did not want a relationship with him. I was not looking for love. But I found it. At first sight.
And now I have to spend what feels to me like an eternity, paying strict attention to the details of my sociopath, so as to understand my addiction to him and so as to never fall under the spell of a sociopath again.