HOME SWEET HOME...

OMGoddess, it's been so long since I've been online while NOT at my job...new computer, yayyy!!!
To all my friends whom I feel like I've been away from for so long: I'm doing so great!!! La bella vita, ora!!!
I have a lived a very long life in my 47 years. I used to think; "Goddess, I am so tired, I just can't do this any more!!!" Then, I came to Oregon. This is a place of such great beauty and unimaginable positive energy that I have been able to stop running, stop, breathe. And now I realize the it is a full life I've led. I've lived in America's most fascinating cities, from all of which I have taken something I hold very near and dear to my heart...Chicago dogs, the Cubs...The very best basketball team EVER-my San Antonio Spurs...The Pacific Ocean, OB, the Padres, California, sunsets...24 hour liquor sales, the desert, 5000 room hotels, casinos, my son-in-law...Madame Marie, the Jersey Shore, my bff, Bruce Springsteen. I've been from Niagara Falls Canada to Mexico City, Los Angeles to Florida, Lake Tahoe, The Grand Canyon, Napa. I have seen America in the dark and in the light, I've swam in every sea that borders this American Land and walked almost every beat in between and it is Oregon that has captured my heart, sustained my soul and woke me up to an emotion I have in the past been so scared to lose, as it always seemed so fleeting. Happiness. While all the roads I've walked upon have infused me with incredible memories that are like the photographs of my mind, I realize they have all led me here. And I realize now, I can stop walking. Stop searching. Stop fearing that my happiness may be ripped from me by some proverbial thief in the night. I now see why I had to work so hard, cry so long and die at least once. Oregon is a blessing. A gift. It amazes me to no end how Oregonians duplicitously love their home and not realize how good they have it. But then again, that's Oregon. You simply cannot grasp that the rest of the world is not like this when you live here. The Gods have graced this place with such splendor, that we cannot, for a minute, imagine life any other way. At night, when darkness blankets Western Oregon, you can see the stars so clearly, it is as if The Gods hung them a little lower, just to illuminate the souls of those who choose to call this place home. Home. I have had a nomadic soul for all of my life. I never really ever felt like I was home. I am home.
There have been many people who have been responsible for my choice to call Oregon home. For many years I hated them. They hurt me. They changed the course of every turn I took in my life with their deeds. Well, I thank you all, now. I'm glad my father married the evil witch of the south. I'm glad my daughter's father beat me. I'm glad, in spite of absolute and total heartbreak that my beloved husband screwed around on me. I'm even glad my beautiful daughter uses her Sagittarius bow and arrow, for which I have always worn a tee shirt with a bullseye over my heart, to shoot me with her own brand of wisdom, because how else could we have ever let each other go. To some of you, "Ha, I did it. I survived your bullshit and oh my Goddess, have I been rewarded!!!" And to some of you, I love you. It is those of you that it has been the hardest to say good-bye to. For both of us. But we were able to see beyond our own ambition, wants, needs, and let each other continue on our respective paths. I miss you. Nich, Ade, Bubby. I think about you every day. But you must know, that the joy I carry inside of me, the pride I finally have for myself, the calm within my soul and the reparation of my heart is real. I'm happy.
There are, of course, new people who have so much to do with why I get up and walk to the bus, even in the pouring rain, to go to work and stay there for 10 hours a day. You make me want to be there. At first I thought Oregon was something I would have to earn every day, but as I continue to learn the job I love, I realize I already did all the work. I already earned this. You all are simply icing on the cake.
Thank you...
La bella vita, ora!!!Blessed be )0(