“Happy”

Words and music by Bruce Springsteen

Some need gold and some need diamond rings

Or a drug to take away the pain that living brings

Promise of a better world to come

When whatever here is done

I don't need that sky of blue, babe

All I know since I found you

I'm happy when I'm in your arms

Happy, darling, come the dark

Happy when I taste your kiss

I'm happy in a love like this

There's a house upon a distant hill

Where you can hear the laughter of children ring

Guardian angels, they watch from above

Guarding over the love that they bring

But at night I feel the darkness near

And I awake and I find you near

I'm happy with you in my arms

Happy with you in my heart

Happy when I taste your kiss

I'm happy in a love like this

In a world of doubt and fear

I wake at night and reach to find you near

Lost in a dream, you caught me as I fell

I want more than just a dream to tell

Born in this world, darling, with few days

And trouble never far behind

Man and woman circle each other in a cage

A cage that's been handed down the line

Lost and running 'neath a million dead stars

Tonight let's shed our skins and slip these bars

Happy in each other's arms

Happy baby, come the dark

Happy in each other's kiss

I’m happy in a love like this…

“Unhappy”

Words and music by Deannalynn Arzola

Just kidding. Sort of…

Ya know, after all this time, and all of the thorough attention I have paid to every lesson, ei; disaster, I still find myself on the quintessential confusing roller coaster from hell. It’s the same one I’ve been riding my whole life. The only thing is that on all those rides past, I could disembark whenever I chose to. This particular ride, not so much...I keep trying to get off, like when you have that dream in which you’re screaming at the ride operator to stop, you’re getting sick, but the words have no sound. That dreadful silent scream. No one can hear me. I’m begging the Universe to just get me through the rest of my life with no more pain or disappointment. I truly do study the stars. I pay attention to the signs. I keep thinking I’m doing what I’m supposed to, but here’s what it really comes down to. From the start of this ride, I’ve been fully consumed with the enjoyment of the rider sitting next to me. Even when the ride was so intense, I had to get off, he would grab my arm and say no. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there have been times I have gleefully hopped into the seat next to him, just to remind myself that I am still alive and there have been times when I screamed, and he did hear me, and he answered, and for a minute, I felt okay, but I’m sure I have explained my concerns in regard to the ride, several times in fact, so I know he knows how I feel about this ride. Anyway, this is about me and what I want. Something I never give regard to. I know that when I do walk away from our ride, I feel almost as bad, if not worse than when I was on it. I know that when I walk away, I try to get on another ride with someone else and that never works out either, because, one, rider A is texting me while I’m on a different ride with rider B, or two, rider B turns out to be the biggest douchebag there is, even though you’ve known him forever and had no clue whatsoever that he was such a douchebag!!! And let’s not forget that all throughout the amusement park, there are fortune tellers proclaiming magic, and being the godless, optimist I am, I inquire each and every one. “Oh, my child, pay attention to the signs, they are not coincidences.” “My little babushka, you must look to your past to clear way for your future.” “Ah, I see in your future (and your past) a plethora of scorpions. Stop asking to be stung, my child.” “Oh, my dear, yes, I do see this tall, fair man, over and over again. You face such struggle on your path (and she explains that she says “path” because she sees that we have been walking down the same one, our damage almost the same) because you keep getting it wrong. You must fix things with him in THIS life.” So I try. I pay attention, like I have a choice, to the bombardment of signs I receive, every day. I try to hang in there because I believe that I am doing that which I have been charged. I am usually pretty satisfied with my person’s happiness and the fact that just knowing he is here, in my crazy, turbulent, fucked up world is what’s keeping me sane. I keep believing that he knows why I do the stupid things I do, because he is aware of my damage and therefore understands. I keep thinking I know his, and thusly understand his misgivings as well. I keep thinking he he gets that about me. So why in the fuck, with all of that beautiful knowledge on our plates would he still choose to hurt me? What’s funny is it takes allot for him to hurt me, but the things he does that do are really small. What the fuck am I doing??? Will somebody please tell me what the fuck? Oh, I don’t know why I would anticipate an answer. The ones that are coming from the Universe point directly to him. I don’t know what to do with that because I believe very much in my faith and doubting it could cost me dearly. I can be gone from him for months. He will call. I will come running. And the cycle begins again. It’s euphemism heaven; the carousel never stops turning, the ferris wheel never stops spinning, the roller coaster never stops beckoning.

My beautiful Beloved, if you are reading this, will you just be as nice to me as I am to you??? That would solve all my problems. Perhaps you can tell me what yours are so we can knock those sons of bitches out, as well.

DeAnna