The Fives A's

Walking out the door, hurriedly, this morning, I forgot to grab my plethora of bracelets. I use a plethora of them in a veiled attempt to hide my scars. Actually, I'm sort of proud of my scars, they are my battle scars. "Wounded deep in battle, I stand stuffed like some soldier, undaunted"...ahhh, favorite lines from one of the first Springsteen songs I ever heard. They are the scars of my most recent journey. They are my scars, ripped thru my delicate skin with five A's.

Apathy, Addiction, Agony, Anarchy, Accursedness

I have been thru many a battle in my time. All of them have left scars on my heart, the loss of my most beloved have left scars on my soul. The five A's have left scars on my skin. In all of my years I have never allowed such mutilation. I have been careful not to allow the desecration of my body.

Some wounds, most, in fact, heal. Some wounds leave scars. These wounds I have accrued as of late have left scars so prominently inside my soul, I carry them with me like a badge of self discovery. Some say a soul is an imaginary presence, something that is not real and empirical, like a heart, but I know my soul exists. Where it has been stabbed, there is pain. When there is absence of that piece of me that I feel as my emotionality co-mingles with my psyche, that loss leaves me cold on the inside of my chest. When that piece of me is present, that chill is replaced with fire. There are scars on my soul and they were inflicted by five A's...

Absence, Agony, Altering, Angst, Arachnid

I am stung by the very presence of the other half of me, and poison courses thru my veins and I must expel it immediately, before it kills me. I slide the blade across my tender flesh. Red. The color of you. The blood drips in rapid succession and I exhale. Some of the venom leaves and it is a temporary respite. The rest of the work must be done with my mind, one day at a time.

The scars inside are easily hidden and exponentially misunderstood. The scars on my flesh are easier to explain, and those who know of and have witnessed my battle have no problem with the reconciliation. That is a little harder for me to wrap my head around, so I am glad those scars are so visible to me. They remind me daily of the five A's that make up the map upon my wrist...

Advocacy, Amorous, Apparition, Anticipation, Anagram


Aa...an' a clear devil...


-by Deannalynn Arzola